Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
