dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
two words...techno handjob
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
