Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
