Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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