so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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