Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
