Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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