Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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