we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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