...so i touched it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
