Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You can't special order awesome
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
