My room smells like vodka and shame
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
