Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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