We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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