Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
