i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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