Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
