So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
