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• (805): View more from California

  as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"

  (1-805): View more from California

  uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.

  Fav 30 5500 1839

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...

  Fav 8 2246 1170

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.

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• (909): View more from California

  Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?

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• (661): View more from California

  I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now

  Fav 2 715 507

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• (360): View more from Washington

  can I cover your dick in cookie butter?

  Fav 9 747 378

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• (214): View more from Texas

  You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body

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• (813): View more from Florida

  The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed

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