I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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