you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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