what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
