The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
