one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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