I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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