Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
