Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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