I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
