you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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