so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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