I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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