so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
