If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
