He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
