i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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