I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
