Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
