chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
