just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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