Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
