I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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