Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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