dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
