No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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