Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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