john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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