Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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