I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
