We tried having a conversation with our noses.
nutella sex= disaster
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
