hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
