the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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