hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Who did Billy Mays play for?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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