guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
