You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
