You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
