dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
