I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
