i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
