There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
