I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
