i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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